An anger tantrum is a child's way of releasing an intense emotion through crying, shouting, kicking, or throwing themselves on the floor, because they cannot yet put that feeling into words. Tantrums are especially common between the ages of 18 months and 4 years, and they are largely normal at this stage, since the parts of the brain that regulate emotion are still developing. A parent's job is not to suppress the outburst but to safely accompany the child while they learn to calm down.
What is a tantrum and at what age is it normal?
Tantrums are an overflow reaction a child has when they cannot delay a desire or when they are tired, hungry, or overstimulated. Experiencing them a few times a week between 18 months and 4 years is developmentally expected. Children of this age do not yet have the mental skills needed to manage strong emotions, so frustration quickly turns into a physical reaction. As the child grows, as their language skills develop and their self-control strengthens, the frequency and intensity of these tantrums usually decrease on their own.
Most tantrums are not a sign of a flaw or of poor parenting. On the contrary, they are a natural part of a transitional period in which the child's inner world is developing rapidly while their tools for expression have not yet caught up. Understanding this framework helps parents stay calmer and more supportive during a crisis.
The main causes of tantrums in children
Behind a tantrum there is usually an unmet need or an emotion the child cannot cope with. The most common causes are:
- Physical needs: Hunger, lack of sleep, and fatigue noticeably lower the threshold for anger.
- Difficulty expressing themselves: When a child cannot explain what they want, frustration turns into anger.
- Encountering limits and 'no': Being refused something they want can trigger a strong reaction.
- Overstimulation: Crowds, noise, or too much screen time tire the nervous system.
- Changes: The birth of a sibling, moving house, or a disrupted routine can increase feelings of insecurity.
- Need for attention: Sometimes a child who feels overlooked tries to connect through a reaction.
Observing the situations in which tantrums recur is the most practical way to understand their triggers. For example, if tantrums mostly occur in the afternoon or in places like the supermarket, the underlying cause may be fatigue or overstimulation.
What should a parent do during a tantrum?
During a crisis, the goal is not to punish the child but to safely accompany them as they calm down. The following steps help:
- Stay calm yourself first. The child uses your voice and body language as a regulator; as you calm down, they gradually settle too.
- Ensure safety. If there is a risk of harm to themselves or their surroundings, gently move the child to a safe space.
- Name the emotion. Saying "You are really angry, you were upset because your toy is gone" helps the child feel understood and softens the reaction.
- Speak briefly and clearly. Long explanations and negotiations do not work during a crisis; the child's brain struggles to process logic at that moment.
- Stay close and available. Some children want a hug, others want space without being touched; approach by knowing your own child.
- Talk once they are calm. After the tantrum passes, calmly review together what happened.
What to avoid during a tantrum
- Shouting or reacting physically escalates the tantrum and models the wrong way of coping with anger.
- Giving in every time "rewards" the tantrum and reinforces the behavior.
- Shaming, mocking, or comparing the child with others damages self-esteem.
- Long punishments and threats weaken the relationship of trust.
Preventive approaches to reduce tantrums
Measures taken before a crisis arises noticeably reduce how often tantrums occur. Regular sleep and mealtimes, a predictable daily routine, limiting screen time, and games that teach the child to name their emotions are highly effective. Helping the child get through the day without becoming overtired or hungry reduces overflow moments.
Offering the child choices is also a powerful method. Small decisions such as "Would you like the blue cup or the red cup?" meet the child's need for control in a healthy way and reduce power struggles. Noticing and appreciating the child's good behavior also reinforces positive conduct. For more on how child and adolescent work is carried out, you can explore what play therapy is.
When should you seek professional support?
Tantrums decrease over time in most children. However, in some cases it is wise to consult a professional. The following signs may warrant an evaluation:
- Tantrums continue to be frequent and severe after the age of 5,
- The child regularly harms themselves or others,
- Tantrums recur many times a day and last a very long time,
- The anger is accompanied by widespread anxiety, sleep problems, or withdrawal,
- Tantrums seriously disrupt school, friendships, or family life.
These signs do not by themselves mean a diagnosis; they only indicate that a professional evaluation may be helpful. A specialist helps to understand the causes underlying the anger and to develop strategies suited to the family. If you are unsure about whether to seek support for your child, you may also find guidance in the article on how play therapy can help.
Tantrums between siblings and in public settings
Tantrums often arise between siblings or in public settings such as the supermarket or while visiting others. In these situations, parents struggle more because they have to manage both the child's reaction and the gaze of those around them. At such moments, the healthiest approach is to set aside external pressure and focus on the child. Guiding the child to a calm space without shaming them and waiting there for the emotion to pass helps the child feel safe and shortens the tantrum.
Anger between siblings is often related to jealousy, a sense of fairness, or the sharing of attention. Setting aside separate time for each child, avoiding comparisons, and naming each one's emotion individually reduce the frequency of such tantrums. Teaching children to express their disagreements in words also builds a strong long-term skill.
Teaching your child emotional regulation
The most lasting way to cope with tantrums is to help the child develop the ability to recognize and regulate their emotions. Simple but effective methods can be used in daily life for this:
- Using picture cards or storybooks that teach the naming of emotions,
- Turning calming deep-breathing exercises into a game,
- Creating a "calm-down corner" equipped with toys and cushions where the child can settle,
- Talking with the child after a tantrum about how they felt and what they could do next time,
- Modeling healthy coping by showing the child how you manage your own anger.
These skills do not develop in a day; they require patience and repetition. Over time, however, the child learns to notice and express their emotion before reaching the overflow point. This both reduces tantrums and builds a valuable foundation for the child's later life.
Child and adolescent support in Beylikdüzü
SONE Esenlik Ünitesi offers specialist support in child and adolescent psychology in Beylikdüzü, İstanbul. Families are guided in a calm and non-judgmental way on tantrums, difficulties with emotional regulation, and parenting approaches. To assess your child's development together, you can get in touch with us.
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